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COSMO IS A MAGAZINE FOR MEN!!!

Jan 15 2008 | Views 191 | Comments (16)

It was around 1930h(thats 7.30pm civilian time) when I walked into the mess to check the silver,when... Expand

It was around 1930h(thats 7.30pm civilian time) when I walked into the mess to check the silver,when I saw a light in the officer's reading room,intrigued because we were not a paltan known for cerebral excess,I detoured and peeked in.

Wonders of wonders!! Tippy the strappy tall lad from Punjab was immersed in what looked from afar like reading material. now he was known to be a good youngster.. good in firing,football and all physical pursuits,but academics was his Waterloo.I mean the old man(commanding officer) had got a love letter from the brigade commander asking him to explain as to how it was possible for an officer to fail in all subjects with below 50 marks (out of 500)? The contents of the old mans reply to his boss are not known ,but yes everyone within a km of the old man knew exatly what the old man thought of Tippy!

Interested and a tad pleased to see the youngster making an obvious attempt to educate himself ,I walked in and said,"Hey Tippy what are you boning up so sincerely?"
Surprised he jumped ,letting a thick magazine fall... COSMO! "Dammit Tippy you are wasting your time on a girls magazine instead of brushing up your military history,whats the matter with you?"

If I was expecting any show of regret(and I was), well Tippy was not on the same wavelength," Oh come on Sir,Cosmo is not a magazine for girls,its actually a tactical primer for us bachelors."
"Don't prevaricate young man,how in the world can you justify the very absurdity of your statements."
"I'll prove it"'he said
"Sir have'nt you told me time and again that to succeed against an opponent a soldier must know his enemy,his tactics,logistics,ruses and deception techniques and be able to anticipate his every move before he even thinks of it?"
Huh I'd never imagined that Tippy had even bothered to listen to me,"Go on", I growled.

"Sir,Cosmo is the civilian equivalent of a confidential write up on the Enemy,except that it is better packaged and has been written by women.This is a detailed map of how women think,their anxieties,nueroses,likes ,dislikes,fears and hopes about guys,sex,clothes,fashion,flowers ...you name it and it is there!!"

"So..?"

"OH come on Sir, by serious study and some good SWOT analyses.. we can anticipate what they want with reasonable certainity , and, make a good impression during the May Queen Ball ,instead of being draped around the bar like last year!!"

Stunned by the logic and his confidance I made my way to the bar for a stiff scotch on the rocks,but ,later at night I kept thinking about his speech,"Dammit , could this nitwit be on to something good!"
Anyway,the next day was a busy one,It so happened that the GOCs(heap senior officer) daughter was likely to land up for a game of Tennis in our campus,and ,the old man was up and about making sure that this was the best maintained court in the Cantt.

The Diva landed up and had a good game ,she seemed to take a liking to Tippy,who surprisingly lost to her in a very closely contested game.After she left ,Tippy came in for a lot of ribbing,but he shrugged it off with a smile.

I returned at eight ,and asked the Mess Havildar about Tippy and was told that he had personal engagements and would not be dining in.This pattern continued over the weekend,and ,was forgotten,but monday morning brought a storm..

The Old Man stormed into my office and bellowed while shaking with a range of myriad emotions" where is that**@@$#&*** Tippy ,I am going to murder him, of all the girls he had to make a hit on her"

It has been said by men wiser and braver than me that discretion is the better part of valour and that silence is golden.. so I merely pointed him to the training area where Tippy was conducting a weapons class.

Come afternoon ,the prodigal son sauntered in with a nonchalant air"what happened ? What did you do?"
"OH nothing Sir,Its just that her Dad doesn't approve of me." Whose Dad? "The GOC".
What..you mean the diva's dad?
Yup,I proposed and she accepted .
Well to cut a long story short ,they got married last week,
and what about me? I have taken a five year subscription for COSMO...

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Comments (16)

quasimodo posted 7 mnths ago

Dear Jaijui,
all men read ..ok ,we don't take chances...
Q

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jaijui posted 7 mnths ago

hi quasimodo,
he hehe real good ..do you read femina too ?
the story had a happy ending ..that's nice
cheers ,
jaijui

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quasimodo posted 7 mnths ago

dear Aditi,
thanks.Well a friend's sis used to borrow the DEB,and, though astonished for the first time ,it was ok..so I guess to each his own..I think Cosmo covers this angle pretty well too, so may be not
Q

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Aditi Ray posted 7 mnths ago

Hi quasimodo,

Thank you for the note, otherwise I would have missed this lovely humorous piece. Is there a moral somewhere? I mean women should read debonair or Men's World for a first hand feel of " detailed map of how men think,their anxieties,nuerosis,likes ,dislikes,fears and hopes about gals,sex,clothes,gadgets,cars, ..." hahah....

Aditi

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quasimodo posted 7 mnths ago

dear supriya,
thanks, now what do you say about the deviousness of guys,anything to get the moolah
Q

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